Title: All in a Day’s Work
Pairing: Harmony/Lorne, NC-17 Why? Because I’m EVIL. Didn’t you get the memo?
Disclaimer: Yadda, yadda, yadda. All hail Joss. Joss is god or close enough anyway. He owns all. I just play with his toys sometimes.
Summary: Angel hears a strange noise in the Wolfram & Hart offices and sends Lorne to investigate.
The droning hum was maddening. Damn vampire hearing. Angel was trying hard to concentrate on his speech to the Keltorth demons he had a meeting with later that afternoon but he was finding it hard to remember the word for “honour”.
Moktoth? Mothtok? Tothmok?
This particular demon clan was on the verge of signing an agreement to stop buying black market living human hearts if only Angel could phrase the contract correctly and address them in their demon language. Gunn and Wesley, the only two he trusted with such detailed work, were deep in mourning for Fred and had taken the day off to go and visit her parents. Illyria was safe in her isolation chamber pumped full of drugs so she wouldn’t bother anyone for a long while, leaving him to get this delicate work done.
“Hi there Sugarplum.” Lorne popped his head inside the door. “You know just sitting there staring at that sheet of paper for an hour isn’t going to make the right words appear on it. Unless you know the right incantation that is.” He stood there, arms folded, smirking at Angel.
Angel looked up in frustration at yet another distraction. Picking up several texts from his desk he tossed them back down again in disgust.
“Useless. Utterly useless. I’m going to see if I can rebook this meeting for next week. Without Gunn and Wesley there’s no way I can get this done and not make a fool of myself. You don’t speak Keltorth by any chance, do you Lorne?”
“Like I told you this morning sweetums,” Lorne shook his head. “Just a few words and most of which you really don’t want to tell these folks. I picked them up from one or two shady characters at my old club so they’re not really suitable for polite company.”
Lorne sat down on the edge of Angel’s desk and perused what he had written so far.
“Nope, don’t recognize a word of this so far, so you’re probably doing ok. But why so glum, chum?” Lorne tossed the document back down.
Angel sighed. “I can’t concentrate. There’s this damn noise somewhere and it won’t stop. I don’t know if there’s a bug in the building or something but it’s really distracting and if I could just get it to stop I think I could relax enough to get this done.”
“Well surely you must hear a lot of things that you need to block out,” Lorne observed. “That vamp hearing is both a blessing and a curse I would think.”
“Voices come and go and things like construction starts and stops but this hum has been pretty consistent for the last hour and a half,” Angel vented. “I can’t block it out. It’s droning consistently. It’s underneath every other sound I hear.”
“Now here’s something I can help with.” Lorne grinned. “You let me take care of that bee in your bonnet.”
Retreating quietly, Lorne stepped into the main lobby and began to look around, discreetly listening at walls for electrical noises and near the elevator as well but nothing like what Angel had described could be found. He looked over and saw Harmony sitting quietly at her desk reading a book.
“Hey Harmony, love the do, doll. Very Britney.” He grinned widely. “Say, you’ve got extra super vamp hearing like old brood boy in there, can you hear anything humming?”
Angel suddenly called from his office, “Thanks Lorne. Can’t hear it anymore.”
Harmony started to smile and then her eyes grew wide in horror. “What? He can hear that? Not that there is anything to hear that is. Um, no I don’t hear a thing. Maybe it’s part of his curse. You know, can’t have sex, and hears a ringing in his ears. Those gypsies really know how to stick it to a guy.”
Lorne nodded. “That’s something I hadn’t considered. But somehow I don’t think so.” Lorne reached over and picked up a small remote control sitting on Harmony’s desk he’d seen her fumble with before he came over. “What’s this?”
“That’s nothing,” Harmony answered quickly, obviously lying. “I just found it on the floor this morning and I was going to take it to lost and found.” If she’d been able to, she would have blushed from head to toe.
“Ok,” Lorne agreed. “So you don’t mind if I do this.” He turned the little dial up to full and Harmony slid off her chair and onto the floor.
“Lorne,” Angel called from inside his office. “It’s started again and it’s worse than ever.”
“No worries, Angel snookums,” Lorne called out, trying to conceal his laughter. “I’ve got the situation well in hand.” Looking down at Harmony who was clutching her groin and bucking against her hand like mad, he added, “Well, at least someone does.”
Lorne turned the dial off and helped Harmony walk down the hallway to his office. Sitting her down in a big comfy chair he began his third degree.
“So, do you want to explain what this is all about,” he looked utterly confused.
“Well here’s the deal,” Harmony prepared to bare her soul to Lorne. What did she have to lose now? “Vamps have a really high sex drive. I mean really really high. It’s something to do with having all that extra borrowed blood pumping around in your veins. So we need to get off a lot to keep the bloodlust down or else we’d go around attacking humans every ten minutes. Angel and Spike have souls so they can control themselves better but I don’t have a soul so this is how I keep off the human blood. If I had a boyfriend I might not need to do this at work so much but human guys can’t get me off like demons can and all of the demons around here won’t go near me. The good ones think I’m evil and the evil ones think I’m good because I don’t do human blood anymore so noone will touch me. Plus all these bad demons around here are like an aphrodisiac to me. They just smell so good and it makes me want to be naughty, one way or another.”
“Listen, hon,” Lorne was trying to think of some way to explain the situation, “The sound of your little toy is driving Angel bananas. He can hear a humming sound and if he figures out what it is, things are going to be a lot worse for you. There’s no way that old Angel, who can’t have sex, is going to sit in there listening to you get off six ways from Sunday right underneath his very nose. Literally almost. You’ve got to find another way of dealing sweet cheeks. What about Spike? You and he used to go out. I’m sure he’d help a girl in desperate need.”
“No way! I could never go to him for this,” Harmony sulked. “He’d just laugh in my face. Besides, I made a pass at him at the office Christmas party and he just pushed me aside and said ‘been there, bought the bleeding unicorn t-shirt.’ That really hurt my feelings.”
“Well you can’t keep doing that outside Angel’s office, that’s for sure.” Lorne acknowledged. “How about this? Whenever you feel the need, you come down to my office and use your little doohickey and get yourself off and then you can go back to your desk. My office is soundproofed so I doubt that even Angel’s vamp hearing would be able to pick up the sound of you in here. Plus if you have somewhere private to do it you might be able to do it faster and enjoy it more. We want happy and satisfied employees at Wolfram & Hart after all.”
Lorne handed Harmony back her remote. “And don’t worry,” he added. “This will be our little secret.”
Harmony smiled and turned to go, leaning up to give the green demon a kiss on the cheek before leaving.
As she closed the door Lorne looked down to see a most unusual sight. The front of his lemon yellow trousers was strained against the enormous hard-on lurking below. A hard-on from Harmony? Lorne didn’t believe it. Since coming to this dimension he hadn’t been sexually attracted to anyone or anything, neither male nor female and certainly not humans. Back on his world they were slaves, cattle, not anything to be desired sexually. Sure, he'd heard about some of the guys going out on a drunken bender and sleeping with one of the “cows” but they were considered perverts and he had never even considered it. When he got to this world and saw that the tables were turned specieswise, he was able to accept that this was their world but he could never resign himself to thinking of sex with humans as anything other than beastiality. So no sex for Lorne. He figured it was just the sacrifice he had to make to be here. This was why he related to Angel so well and respected him so much. Although they’d never discussed it, they had more in common than Angel realized. But here was Lorne with a massive hard-on for the first time in six years. Six years!
He sat down and thought about Harmony and her little doodad stuck up inside her or maybe attached to the outside of her on a bit of a thong. He thought about her writhing around behind her desk giving herself pleasure as she did her daily tasks. He talked to her on the phone sometimes. Maybe she did it while she was talking to him. He sat down at his desk and undid his pants. His dick was aching to be touched. He started stroking it as he thought about her naked and all the things he’d like to do to her, and before he knew it he came in a sticky stream of cum up the front of his shirt.
“Yikes,” he jumped up grabbing a tissue to clean it up. “Good thing I’ve got spares in the cupboard.”
Going over to the door at the far end of his office he opened up the closet door to reveal a veritable rainbow of colours of shirts. Stripping off the soiled garment he threw it on the floor of the closet. What the hell, he thought, change the pants too so they’ll match. Removing the last of his clothing, Lorne stood there naked while trying to decide what to wear.
Suddenly the door burst open and Harmony rushed in shutting it behind her. “I’m sorry to be back so soon Lorne,” she said far too fast. “But my Brad Pitt calendar came in the mail just now and I almost attacked the mailman. Poor guy. I really, really, really need to do this and as soon as possible.”
Lorne turned around abruptly and shrieked, running for the coverage of a nearby chair.
“Oh I’m so sorry Lorne,” Harmony giggled nervously. “I didn’t expect to catch you naked.” Harmony noticed that if she moved a little to her right she could easily see Lorne’s rear reflection in the mirror in the closet and it was not displeasing to her eyes. However it in no way helped her desperate situation.
“Just give me a few minutes hon and then you can have the place all to yourself,” Lorne offered.
“You betcha,” Harmony exited and waited patiently outside his door until he emerged a few minutes later fully dressed.
Harmony ducked inside and Lorne busied himself with talking to Bob from accounting across the lobby until he saw her emerge about five minutes later with a satisfied look on her face. This went on for about a week. Harmony would show up at Lorne’s office with a desperate look on her face and he’d leave and then come back and jerk off after she had finished but he was finding that he was increasingly unsatisfied with the arrangement.
Finally one day Harmony showed up in Lorne’s office with that same look of lust in her eyes.
“I’m sorry Sugarpuss but I’m waiting for an important phone call,” Lorne lied. “So I can’t leave my office and I doubt that you’ll be in a fit state to take a message for me. If you want to do what you need to do, you’re going to have to do it with me in the room.”
Harmony looked a bit embarrassed but she kept rubbing her hands up and down her thighs so he knew she wouldn’t say no. Slipping inside she quietly closed the door and looked around uncomfortably.
“Where do you usually do it?” Lorne asked moving to get out of her way.
“I go over to the leopard print chair over here,” Harmony explained. She walked over and sat down in the chair, leaning back and reaching inside her pocket and pulled out the little remote. She looked over and saw Lorne watching her.
“I don’t know if I can do this if you’re watching me like that,” she pointed out. “I’m a little embarrassed by this.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Just pretend I’m not here,” Lorne offered, looking down towards his desk and pretending to read some papers.
After a couple of seconds he heard the buzzing sound start low. He snuck a peak and Harmony was leaning back with her eyes closed, mouth open. He could see her pink tongue slide out and lick her lips. She was concentrating deeply. Her hips were gyrating in a little circle as though she were fucking someone. Tiny little circles and with each rotation she would let out a small moan. With her continued movements her very short skirt started to ride up even more. Harmony had the remote on full speed and the vibrator purred away as she used her hands to touch herself in other areas.
Realizing that this was the best show in town Lorne couldn’t resist any longer. He stood up and walked over to the chair that faced where Harmony was sitting. He saw her head tilt a little bit at the sound of him moving but she didn’t stop what she was doing. She was too far gone to care. Her small hands were fondling her breasts on the outside of her blouse. Undoing a few buttons Harmony exposed a firm milky white breast that she began to rub and knead between her fingers. Lorne’s hard-on would not be contained so he unzipped his pants and freed it from it’s constraints. Stroking himself in slow movements he imagined himself fucking Harmony as he heard her getting off and wished that it was he who was doing these things to her.
As her one hand continued to caress her exposed breast her other hand started rubbing her belly and the inner part of her thighs. Harmony was starting to pull her skirt up and was soon revealing that she was not wearing any panties. To give herself better access she spread her legs back over the sides of the chair with her knees bent, affording Lorne an unobstructed view. Quite plainly Lorne could see the little device that was giving Harmony such joy. It was a small pink unicorn shaped vibrator that was attached to Harmony by means of two thin straps that held it firmly in place and did up around her back. As Harmony bucked against it the little unicorn ground it’s horn into her, vibrating against her clit as she moved. Letting out a big sigh of pleasure Harmony jerked up and cried out as she came. Her eyes opened to reveal Lorne sitting across from her with a throbbing green dick firmly in hand, rubbing the head in a steady rhythm and still watching her intently.
Having already revealed too much to feign modesty now she reached down and turned off the vibrator and sat up to get a good look at what he was doing.
“Need a hand with that?” she offered coyly.
Surprised at her reaction, Lorne could only nod in answer. Harmony slid off the chair and onto her knees as she crawled over to where the green demon was sitting and took his penis in her hand to look it over with a smirk. She’d never seen one like this before. It was a light green colour with small nubby bumps up and down the sides. It was bigger than most of the human ones she’d ever seen and was thicker in girth as well. Assessing the situation in hand she looked up into his eyes and smiled. “It may be green but I bet it’s ripe enough to eat. But maybe I’d better take a taste to make sure.”
Lowering her mouth onto his hot dick it was like tingly little icicles as her cold mouth met the heat of his hard-on. Pumping him with her mouth and her hand, it wasn’t long before Lorne was on the verge of coming. Licking his balls and continuing her efforts Harmony took him to an intense climax that left him breathless.
“That was amazing,” Lorne finally managed. “Where did you learn to suck cock like that?”
“I’m a vampire,” she explained proudly. “Sucking is what we do best.”
“Well I’m a singing demon so let me teach you to hit the high notes.” Lorne took Harmony by the hand and led her over to a small settee and laid her down on it. Stepping out of his slacks he removed his shirt as well to reveal a strange and wonderful pattern of markings across his chest and back, running back down across his buttocks which Harmony particularly noted.
“You’re beautiful,” Harmony observed, admiring his slim form.
”You’re not so bad yourself,” Lorne grinned as he divested Harmony of her skirt and leaned forward to finish undoing the buttons on her blouse. As he peeled back the thin fabric he revealed her small yet perfectly shaped breasts. Harmony smiled lustily as she slid the rest of the blouse off leaving her completely naked except for her vibrator, which was still attached to her.
Leaning in, Lorne kissed Harmony on the lips for the first time. Tenderly to begin with but as it continued it became enflamed with passion. Their tongues entwined and he started kissing down her neck and across her chest. Finding her swollen nipples with his teeth, he nibbled and teased them one by one until they formed tiny rosebud peaks and he kneaded at the one with his hand as his mouth gave service to the other. His free hand snaked down her belly and began stroking the insides of her thighs. Harmony squirmed and spread her legs apart begging for him to touch her.
Looking down Harmony could see that Lorne was hard again, gotta love that demon stamina. She took hold of him in her firm grasp and proceeded to rub the shaft up and down making him even harder. She shimmied a little under his touch as his hands warmed up her cool flesh.
“Touch me,” she begged, trying to move herself lower so that his hand would be in the area that most needed his heat.
“Anything you need, Sugarlips.” Lorne whispered.
“You think my lips taste like sugar?” Harmony queried, running her tongue across her swollen lips as though to test them for herself.
“Those ones taste like bubblegum thanks to that lipgloss you wear. But then I wasn’t talking about those ones anyway.” Lorne lowered himself down and started to kiss Harmony’s toes one by one.
Starting at the bottom and working his way up, Lorne kissed the inside of Harmony’s instep and nibbled on the top of her right foot. He traced the firm calf muscles up the back of her leg as he lifted it up into the air spreading her legs wide apart and eliciting a small throaty moan from Harmony. Continuing his way up he kissed the insides of her thighs and pushed his tongue into the small space at the back of her knee. Harmony let out a soft whimper as he continued to feast on her flesh.
Arriving face to face with the little device responsible for all of this Lorne took hold of it by both straps and slowly slid it down over Harmony’s smooth legs. “You won’t be needing this any time soon,” he gloated. “I can guarantee you of that.”
Moving into a comfortable position Lorne started kissing the tiny areas at the outside of Harmony’s pussy. He found that she was very close shaven so that the lips were bare and there was just a tiny triangle of light blonde hair at the top.
“Mmmm, a natural blonde,” he observed. “Who’d a thunk it.” He then proceeded to kiss her nether lips and tease them apart with his finger. Harmony whimpered softly when his lips first made contact and slid his tongue inside as he spread her thighs apart opening her up more fully.
“Oh yes, Lorne,” she cooed. “That feels amazing.”
Lorne teased and sucked as Harmony continued to wriggle and jerk upwards. Lorne tried to sneak a peak as she did this, as it made her breasts jiggle in the most delightful way. He took her swollen clit between his teeth and shook his head from side to side slightly, pulling on it, making her cry out in pleasure and did it again and again until she begged him to stop. Taking two fingers he put them in his mouth so they were well lubricated and then placed them at her opening. Looking up, he saw her nod quickly encouraging him to continue. Pushing up and in he felt his fingers being sucked inside by her velvety depths. He began to rub and tickle the slight bump just inside until he saw Harmony begin to thrash around. Lowering his head again he continued to rub the spot and returned to licking the clitoris so that Harmony would enjoy both pleasures simultaneously.
“Yes, yes, yes,” she cried out. “Oh god, oh god, oh god.” With a shudder she collapsed in a heap of limp flesh. Her nipples were hard and her whole body glistened with sweat. Lorne lifted his head and climbed up the length of her bringing himself face to face with her very satisfied visage.
“That was wonderful,” she sighed.
“Oh but sweetness,” Lorne grinned with a naughty glint in his eye. “We’re not finished yet.”
Harmony leapt up eagerly, ready for more. “Yes,” she uttered excitedly. “More, more, more.” She was sitting on her knees and began to bounce up and down on the settee making her breasts jiggle. Lorne couldn’t stop watching them. Grabbing her and pushing her backwards he bit into her neck lightly and began sucking on her jugular.
Harmony’s eyes blazed yellow and she felt her forehead and teeth change. There was nothing more sexually stimulating to a vampire than being bitten and sexual stimulation inevitably lead to vamping out. Not wasting any time, Lorne pulled her legs apart roughly, pushing his huge cock into her to the hilt. She grunted with the force and squirmed uncomfortably at first at the size of him. As he began thrusting into her she found that the small bumps on the sides of his penis were acting as stimulants to her inner walls and with each thrust in and out she was being stimulated in ways she had never before imagined.
As Lorne pounded into her, his belly rubbed against her clit and she was soon writhing in ecstasy. Harmony came quickly from the double stimulation and as Lorne continued at his steady pace she came a second time. Looking down and seeing his large green penis shoving into her, Harmony was fascinated by the sight of it. As Lorne continued, she saw his dick turning a darker shade of green, no doubt from all the green blood in his system going into it. The thought of the blood, whatever colour it may be, made Harmony even more turned on and she bit Lorne’s nipple hard making him cry out.
Harmony felt like her insides were on fire with pleasure and her orgasms seemed to blend into each other so she couldn’t tell when one stopped and the next began. “Ahahahahahahahaha”, she cried as she flipped Lorne over onto his back and continued by taking the lead and bouncing up and down on him at her own pace. Her backside slapped against his balls again and again as she sped up her movements and reached her hand around to fondle his balls gently. Cupping them in her hand she rubbed them lightly and then reached around and played with the area of skin stretching beyond them. Lorne reeled up and let out a bellow as he came. To Harmony it felt like she was being showered with hot molten lava on the inside and it went on, what seemed like forever.
With one last cry Harmony leaned her head backwards and let out a final cry of pleasure. “Ohhhhhhaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh,” and then collapsed on Lorne’s chest, still linked to him.
“Oh baby,” Lorne smirked. “I told you I’d teach you to hit those high notes.”
Harmony nuzzled into his chest sleepily. “Mmmmmhmmmmm,” and began to doze.
“I don’t think you’ll be needing your little unicorn friend anymore,” Lorne observed.
Harmony smiled and sleepily nodded her head in agreement.
Two weeks later
“Hi Lorne,” Harmony smirked as she stepped inside Lorne’s office. “Um, can I talk to you for a minute.”
“Sure thing Sugarpuff,” he smiled knowingly. “Close the door and we’ll catch up.”
Closing the door behind her, Harmony rushed forward to straddle Lorne’s lap and began to assail him with kisses as she rubbed her groin against his crotch. Not wasting any time she started to undo his belt buckle.
Lorne stopped in mid-kiss to pull her away for a second with a look of consternation on his face.
“What the hell is that?” he demanded angrily. “I thought you weren’t using your little toy anymore?”
“I don’t,” Harmony defended herself. “I haven’t used it since that first time.”
“Then what’s that vibrating I feel?” Lorne wanted to know.
Harmony looked down and felt about herself and then a look of realization came over her face and she laughed out loud.
“I’ve been absent from my desk so much these last two weeks doing “errands” that Angel made me start wearing a pager and it’s set to vibrate.” Harmony giggled at the look on Lorne’s face. “He must have just paged me.”
Lorne sat down at his desk and picked up the phone.
Angel answered his phone impatiently, “Hello? Harmony?”
“No, Angelcakes it’s Lorne, listen, I need to borrow Harmony for a few hours. You ok with that?” Lorne asked in a serious tone. “I’ve got some undercover work that I need her help on and I need someone who can help me get inside of something really sensitive and she’s just the girl for the job.”
Harmony undid Lorne’s pants and silently lowered her mouth onto his hard erection as her hand began stroking the firm green flesh with one hand as she slipped out of her skirt with the other.
“Sure Lorne,” Angel quickly agreed. “Is this something I need to be in on?”
“Um no. Definitely not, Angelkins.” Lorne was trying to keep his cool as he rubbed two fingers inside Harmony’s quim . “I’m going to feel this out myself and I’m confident of a good outcome.”
“Well Lorne,” Angel confided. “I trust you and you just do what you do best.”
“I sure will,” Lorne hung up the phone and pulled Harmony up and slowly lowered her onto his dick. Throwing her blouse onto the floor next to her skirt, Harmony bobbed up and down happily as Lorne started playing with her breasts.
Looking up at Harmony’s face, Lorne smiled. “Well we’ve got the boss’s orders to keep doing what we’re doing.”
Harmony took hold of Lorne’s head and pulled his face into her bouncing breasts and he suckled at her one nipple, teasing it into a hard little peak.
Harmony beamed as a tingling sensation was starting to build up in the inner walls of her vagina. “I love my job.”